BETHANY AND CAM: *fart at the same time*
BETHANY: Mine was better.
CAM: Indeed. If our farts were the ribbits of male frogs, yours would have gotten laid tonight.
Showing posts with label Cam's life in D/S. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cam's life in D/S. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Sunday, May 06, 2012
$100,000
BETHANY, TAWNYA, AND CAM: *watch America's Funniest Videos*
HOST TOM BERGERON: And the winner is... the Wang Family! What do you plan on doing with your $100,000 winnings?
FATHER WANG: We're going to go to Disneyland!
TAWNYA: What about their children's college tuition? Shouldn't they keep the money for that?
BETHANY: I thought Asians were supposed to be smart.
CAM: Yeah, but he's fat Asian. Fat Asians aren't smart.
HOST TOM BERGERON: And the winner is... the Wang Family! What do you plan on doing with your $100,000 winnings?
FATHER WANG: We're going to go to Disneyland!
TAWNYA: What about their children's college tuition? Shouldn't they keep the money for that?
BETHANY: I thought Asians were supposed to be smart.
CAM: Yeah, but he's fat Asian. Fat Asians aren't smart.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Let's Be Clear
CAM: *helps Heidi with her Windows Phone at his desk*
HEIDI: Hey, so what's with this cheerleader on your desk?
CAM: Huh?
HEIDI: This. *points at anime figure*
CAM: OH! Let's be clear now. That's an underage Japanese schoolgirl on my desk.
HEIDI: Hey, so what's with this cheerleader on your desk?
CAM: Huh?
HEIDI: This. *points at anime figure*
CAM: OH! Let's be clear now. That's an underage Japanese schoolgirl on my desk.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Star Wars Replies at Work
CAM: Are you sure you can take care of this?
ANDREW: I find your lack of faith... disturbing.
CAM: Did you see the readme file for the install?
ANDREW: Tear this ship apart until you’ve found those plans. And bring me the passengers, I want them alive!
CAM: I hate you.
ANDREW: *Wookiee roar*
ANDREW: I find your lack of faith... disturbing.
CAM: Did you see the readme file for the install?
ANDREW: Tear this ship apart until you’ve found those plans. And bring me the passengers, I want them alive!
CAM: I hate you.
ANDREW: *Wookiee roar*
Friday, April 13, 2012
Tic-Tac-Toe
JULIANA: *age 4* Let's play tic-tac-toe!
CAM: Okay.
JULIANA: I will be the O's and you will be the X's.
CAM: Sounds good. Are you going to draw the board?
JULIANA: Yeah. First you draw a square. *draws a circle*
CAM: Um... honey, that's a circle.
JULIANA: Yeah, that's a circle square.
CAM: Okay.
JULIANA: I will be the O's and you will be the X's.
CAM: Sounds good. Are you going to draw the board?
JULIANA: Yeah. First you draw a square. *draws a circle*
CAM: Um... honey, that's a circle.
JULIANA: Yeah, that's a circle square.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Small Talk
CAM: That guy really needs to end the small talk.
ANDREW: Yeah, he sucks at it.
CAM: ...
ANDREW: ...
CAM: So, how about this weather we're having?
ANDREW: Yeah, he sucks at it.
CAM: ...
ANDREW: ...
CAM: So, how about this weather we're having?
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Love Portlandia
CAM: *Instant Messages Andrew during boring training class* is there lunch with this?
ANDREW: God I hope so
CAM: is it local?
ANDREW: Ball says we probably won't get lunch.. That's only for teams that matter.
CAM: marcus will be disappointed... when he finds out after his nap
ANDREW: He swallowed Bobby this morning, so he is ok
ANDREW: God I hope so
CAM: is it local?
ANDREW: Ball says we probably won't get lunch.. That's only for teams that matter.
CAM: marcus will be disappointed... when he finds out after his nap
ANDREW: He swallowed Bobby this morning, so he is ok
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
El, Singular
CAM: *Instant Messages Andrew during a meeting* did you know that "the interfaces" in Spanish is "las interfaces"?
ANDREW: what's for las luncho
CAM: i brought las enchiladas from mi casa
ANDREW: You are a los homo
CAM: "El" homo... "el" homo
ANDREW: what's for las luncho
CAM: i brought las enchiladas from mi casa
ANDREW: You are a los homo
CAM: "El" homo... "el" homo
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
Julie the Frog
JULIANA: *age 4, hands Cam a toy magic wand*
CAM: *waves wand over Juliana* I now turn you into a frog!
JULIANA: *gets down into a position one would to pretend to be a frog*
CAM: *waits for a ribbit*
JULIANA: I am a frog!
CAM: *waves wand over Juliana* I now turn you into a frog!
JULIANA: *gets down into a position one would to pretend to be a frog*
CAM: *waits for a ribbit*
JULIANA: I am a frog!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Off to Grandma's!
CAM: Juliana, are you ready to go see Gigi?
JULIANA: That does not sound like a great idea.
JULIANA: That does not sound like a great idea.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Fake Apple Store
CAM: After reading the story about the fake Apple stores in China, my co-worker joked about buying a support contract through them. So I came up with this.
ANDREW: *calls Fake Apple Store*
EMPLOYEE: Herrow, Panda Express. Take order prease!
ANDREW: Hi, is this the Apple Store?
EMPLOYEE: Oh, one moment. *pause* Herrow, Apple Store, take order prease.
ANDREW: Um... hi, we’re looking to renew our support contract with you guys.
EMPLOYEE: Uh huh...
ANDREW: Because our Mac Pros... you know, what was with the Panda Express thing?
EMPLOYEE: No, this no Panda Express. This Apple Store. Take order PREASE!
ANDREW: This doesn’t seem legit.
EMPLOYEE: TAKE ORDER PREASE! PREASE!
ANDREW: I just want to renew our support contract.
EMPLOYEE: You want two item or three item... ack, no, I mean. Apple Support, yes. We have lots of that one.
ANDREW: Oh, great. Okay, we have 14 Macs that we’ll need contracts for.
EMPLOYEE: Uh huh...
ANDREW: Three running ProTools, and the rest have Final Cut Pro.
EMPLOYEE: Okay. You want fried rice or chow mein... ack, no! Finar Cut!
ANDREW: Forget it. I'm going to call the Apple Store in Mongolia.
EMPLOYEE: Wait, wait... you forget fortune cookie!
ANDREW: Yeah, I’m hanging up now. *hangs up*
EMPLOYEE: Gosh darn Mongolians, always making me roose my business!
CAM: Obviously I was inspired by South Park... a little.
ANDREW: *calls Fake Apple Store*
EMPLOYEE: Herrow, Panda Express. Take order prease!
ANDREW: Hi, is this the Apple Store?
EMPLOYEE: Oh, one moment. *pause* Herrow, Apple Store, take order prease.
ANDREW: Um... hi, we’re looking to renew our support contract with you guys.
EMPLOYEE: Uh huh...
ANDREW: Because our Mac Pros... you know, what was with the Panda Express thing?
EMPLOYEE: No, this no Panda Express. This Apple Store. Take order PREASE!
ANDREW: This doesn’t seem legit.
EMPLOYEE: TAKE ORDER PREASE! PREASE!
ANDREW: I just want to renew our support contract.
EMPLOYEE: You want two item or three item... ack, no, I mean. Apple Support, yes. We have lots of that one.
ANDREW: Oh, great. Okay, we have 14 Macs that we’ll need contracts for.
EMPLOYEE: Uh huh...
ANDREW: Three running ProTools, and the rest have Final Cut Pro.
EMPLOYEE: Okay. You want fried rice or chow mein... ack, no! Finar Cut!
ANDREW: Forget it. I'm going to call the Apple Store in Mongolia.
EMPLOYEE: Wait, wait... you forget fortune cookie!
ANDREW: Yeah, I’m hanging up now. *hangs up*
EMPLOYEE: Gosh darn Mongolians, always making me roose my business!
CAM: Obviously I was inspired by South Park... a little.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
The Keeper of the Badges
CAM: *gets in line with Andrew to get new security badge*
BADGE EMPLOYEE: *looks like he plays WoW a lot... while eating lots of lard-dipped pork rinds*
GUY: Hello. I need a new card.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: May I ask the reason?
GUY: The RAS chip is broken.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Ah, I see. Do you keep it in your wallet?
GUY: Yes.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Well, that's why. We recommend placing it in one of these hard shields.
GUY: Oh, okay. I will buy one of those.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Very good. Would you like to use the same picture?
GUY: Yes, please. I actually kind of like that one because I look younger.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Guess how old I am?
GUY: Um... oh, I wouldn't begin to know...
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Just guess.
GUY: I don't know. 35? 37?
BADGE EMPLOYEE: 42.
GUY: Oh, wow!
CAM: *would have guessed 52*
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Yep. The answer to it all, or everything. No. The answer to life, the universe, and all of it.
GUY: Oh, right.
CAM: Wrong.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: From that Hitchiker's Book.
GUY: Yeah.
CAM: So wrong.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: It's actually not a bad little movie. It had Marvin Freeman play the robot.
CAM: *facepalms*
BADGE EMPLOYEE: And the girl who plays Trillian was good. She was that girl in Get Smart.
GUY: Right.
CAM: OMG, idiots.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Alright, there you go. *hands over badge*
GUY: Thank you.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Greetings.
ANDREW: Hello. I need a new badge because my name has rubbed off on this one.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Do you keep it in your wallet?
ANDREW: Sometimes. I usually hang it from my belt.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Well, it's probably because you put it in your wallet. We recommend placing it in one of these hard shields.
ANDREW: Alright, I will.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: ...
ANDREW: Well, you're the keeper of the badges, aren't you?
BADGE EMPLOYEE: That's me. The badge master.
ANDREW: *looks back at Cam*
CAM: Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh...
BADGE EMPLOYEE: And there you go. Your new badge.
ANDREW: Thank you.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: You're welcome.
CAM: Hello.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Go Mariners.
CAM: Um... yes. I need a new card.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: I actually like the Seahawks more.
CAM: They're entirely different sports teams. Oh.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: But they're not having a great season.
CAM: Well, at least they're doing better than the Cowboys. *looks back at Andrew*
ANDREW: >=|
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Indeed. May I ask where you keep your badge?
CAM: Well, I used to keep it in my wallet, but ever since I got this awesome badge shield thing, I-...
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Well, it's probably messed up because you put it in your wallet. We recommend placing it in one of these hard shields.
CAM: Yep, that's why I got this. *holds up badge shield*
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Hard. Shields.
CAM: 'Kay.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Would you like to use the same picture?
CAM: Yes, please.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Very well. There you go. *hands over badge*
CAM: Thanks.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: *looks like he plays WoW a lot... while eating lots of lard-dipped pork rinds*
GUY: Hello. I need a new card.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: May I ask the reason?
GUY: The RAS chip is broken.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Ah, I see. Do you keep it in your wallet?
GUY: Yes.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Well, that's why. We recommend placing it in one of these hard shields.
GUY: Oh, okay. I will buy one of those.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Very good. Would you like to use the same picture?
GUY: Yes, please. I actually kind of like that one because I look younger.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Guess how old I am?
GUY: Um... oh, I wouldn't begin to know...
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Just guess.
GUY: I don't know. 35? 37?
BADGE EMPLOYEE: 42.
GUY: Oh, wow!
CAM: *would have guessed 52*
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Yep. The answer to it all, or everything. No. The answer to life, the universe, and all of it.
GUY: Oh, right.
CAM: Wrong.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: From that Hitchiker's Book.
GUY: Yeah.
CAM: So wrong.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: It's actually not a bad little movie. It had Marvin Freeman play the robot.
CAM: *facepalms*
BADGE EMPLOYEE: And the girl who plays Trillian was good. She was that girl in Get Smart.
GUY: Right.
CAM: OMG, idiots.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Alright, there you go. *hands over badge*
GUY: Thank you.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Greetings.
ANDREW: Hello. I need a new badge because my name has rubbed off on this one.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Do you keep it in your wallet?
ANDREW: Sometimes. I usually hang it from my belt.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Well, it's probably because you put it in your wallet. We recommend placing it in one of these hard shields.
ANDREW: Alright, I will.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: ...
ANDREW: Well, you're the keeper of the badges, aren't you?
BADGE EMPLOYEE: That's me. The badge master.
ANDREW: *looks back at Cam*
CAM: Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh...
BADGE EMPLOYEE: And there you go. Your new badge.
ANDREW: Thank you.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: You're welcome.
CAM: Hello.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Go Mariners.
CAM: Um... yes. I need a new card.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: I actually like the Seahawks more.
CAM: They're entirely different sports teams. Oh.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: But they're not having a great season.
CAM: Well, at least they're doing better than the Cowboys. *looks back at Andrew*
ANDREW: >=|
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Indeed. May I ask where you keep your badge?
CAM: Well, I used to keep it in my wallet, but ever since I got this awesome badge shield thing, I-...
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Well, it's probably messed up because you put it in your wallet. We recommend placing it in one of these hard shields.
CAM: Yep, that's why I got this. *holds up badge shield*
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Hard. Shields.
CAM: 'Kay.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Would you like to use the same picture?
CAM: Yes, please.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Very well. There you go. *hands over badge*
CAM: Thanks.
Friday, October 01, 2010
Aunt Flo
CAM: What happens when a girl really does have an Aunt Flo in her family?
GIRLFRIEND: Aunt Flo is visiting.
BOYFRIEND: Oh. =(
GIRLFRIEND: No, seriously. My Aunt Flo is visiting here.
BOYFRIEND: Yeah, I heard you the first time. That sucks.
GIRLFRIEND: I love my Aunt Flo.
BOYFRIEND: Really? I thought you chicks hated having periods. Isn't it inconvenient?
GIRLFRIEND: No, you're still not understanding. I actually have a relative Aunt Flo.
BOYFRIEND: Relatively large Aunt Flo, or relatively small Aunt Flo?
GIRLFRIEND: Well... large, I guess. Are you still thinking that I'm talking about periods?
BOYFRIEND: No. Yes... maybe.
GIRLFRIEND: Well, I'm not. My mom's sister is Flo.
BOYFRIEND: Your aunt is also on her period? Why would you share that information with each other? You barely even talk to your aunt.
GIRLFRIEND: Hence why she is coming to visit here!
BOYFRIEND: So you can talk about her period?
GIRLFRIEND: No, so Aunt Flo can visit!
BOYFRIEND: Whoa! Periods are transferable!? I did not know that. Well, you learn something new everyday.
GIRLFRIEND: No, they aren't transferable! Okay, start over. *speaking slowly* My mom's sister named Aunt Flo is going to visit us here at our house tomorrow.
BOYFRIEND: She's going to bring her and her period to our house!?
GIRLFRIEND: SHE'S NOT...! *sighs and calms down* Yes.
BOYFRIEND: Fine. Wanna have sex?
GIRLFRIEND: No. I'm on my period.
GIRLFRIEND: Aunt Flo is visiting.
BOYFRIEND: Oh. =(
GIRLFRIEND: No, seriously. My Aunt Flo is visiting here.
BOYFRIEND: Yeah, I heard you the first time. That sucks.
GIRLFRIEND: I love my Aunt Flo.
BOYFRIEND: Really? I thought you chicks hated having periods. Isn't it inconvenient?
GIRLFRIEND: No, you're still not understanding. I actually have a relative Aunt Flo.
BOYFRIEND: Relatively large Aunt Flo, or relatively small Aunt Flo?
GIRLFRIEND: Well... large, I guess. Are you still thinking that I'm talking about periods?
BOYFRIEND: No. Yes... maybe.
GIRLFRIEND: Well, I'm not. My mom's sister is Flo.
BOYFRIEND: Your aunt is also on her period? Why would you share that information with each other? You barely even talk to your aunt.
GIRLFRIEND: Hence why she is coming to visit here!
BOYFRIEND: So you can talk about her period?
GIRLFRIEND: No, so Aunt Flo can visit!
BOYFRIEND: Whoa! Periods are transferable!? I did not know that. Well, you learn something new everyday.
GIRLFRIEND: No, they aren't transferable! Okay, start over. *speaking slowly* My mom's sister named Aunt Flo is going to visit us here at our house tomorrow.
BOYFRIEND: She's going to bring her and her period to our house!?
GIRLFRIEND: SHE'S NOT...! *sighs and calms down* Yes.
BOYFRIEND: Fine. Wanna have sex?
GIRLFRIEND: No. I'm on my period.
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
It's Exactly What it Looks Like
CAM: *is in his pajamas at home curled up on the couch watching Project Runway*
BETHANY: *arrives home*
CAM: *freezes* Um... it's not what it looks like.
BETHANY: Really? Because it looks like you are home by yourself watching Project Runway.
CAM: Hmm... yeah, that's pretty accurate.
BETHANY: *arrives home*
CAM: *freezes* Um... it's not what it looks like.
BETHANY: Really? Because it looks like you are home by yourself watching Project Runway.
CAM: Hmm... yeah, that's pretty accurate.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
"I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch."
CAM: *calls Bethany*
BETHANY: *answers* Hello?
CAM: Hey.
BETHANY: Hey.
CAM: What are you doing?
BETHANY: Oh, Heather and I are driving around trying to find this floral shop.
CAM: Oh.
BETHANY: What do you want for dinner tonight?
CAM: Something yummy.
BETHANY: Oh, can I make this garlic chicken thing I saw in a magazine?
CAM: Sure. Sounds good.
BETHANY: What should I make for a side dish?
CAM: I dunno.
BETHANY: I'll make some rice.
CAM: 'kay.
BETHANY: Oh, the floral shop is near the liquor store!
CAM: Oooh, buy me some scotch.
BETHANY: I'm not buying you scotch.
CAM: Why not?
BETHANY: Because!
CAM: ...
BETHANY: You'll have, like, two sips and then won't drink it anymore!
CAM: No, I won't!
BETHANY: Yes, you will!
CAM: But I want scotch!
BETHANY: No. I have to go. Bye.
CAM: Scotch!
BETHANY: I love you. Bye.
CAM: Scotch!
BETHANY: Bye. *hangs up*
CAM: *calls back*
BETHANY: Okay... technically, I didn't hang up on you. I said "Bye", like, three times.
CAM: ...
BETHANY: ...
CAM: Scotch!
BETHANY: I can't talk! I'm at the florist! Bye. *hangs up*
CAM: ...
BETHANY: *answers* Hello?
CAM: Hey.
BETHANY: Hey.
CAM: What are you doing?
BETHANY: Oh, Heather and I are driving around trying to find this floral shop.
CAM: Oh.
BETHANY: What do you want for dinner tonight?
CAM: Something yummy.
BETHANY: Oh, can I make this garlic chicken thing I saw in a magazine?
CAM: Sure. Sounds good.
BETHANY: What should I make for a side dish?
CAM: I dunno.
BETHANY: I'll make some rice.
CAM: 'kay.
BETHANY: Oh, the floral shop is near the liquor store!
CAM: Oooh, buy me some scotch.
BETHANY: I'm not buying you scotch.
CAM: Why not?
BETHANY: Because!
CAM: ...
BETHANY: You'll have, like, two sips and then won't drink it anymore!
CAM: No, I won't!
BETHANY: Yes, you will!
CAM: But I want scotch!
BETHANY: No. I have to go. Bye.
CAM: Scotch!
BETHANY: I love you. Bye.
CAM: Scotch!
BETHANY: Bye. *hangs up*
CAM: *calls back*
BETHANY: Okay... technically, I didn't hang up on you. I said "Bye", like, three times.
CAM: ...
BETHANY: ...
CAM: Scotch!
BETHANY: I can't talk! I'm at the florist! Bye. *hangs up*
CAM: ...
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Hot or Cold?
JULIANA: Dada?
CAM: Yes, honey?
JULIANA: Are you cold?
CAM: No, honey. I'm not cold. Are you cold?
JULIANA: No. *pauses* Dada?
CAM: Yeah.
JULIANA: Are you hot?
CAM: No, I'm not hot either. Are you hot?
JULIANA: No. *pauses* Dada?
CAM: Yes, dear?
JULIANA: Are you cold?
CAM: No, I'm not cold. I'm just right. I'm comfortable.
JULIANA: Ohhhhh.
CAM: How about you? Are you comfortable?
JULIANA: Comafotrable.
CAM: Good.
JULIANA: ...
CAM: ...
JULIANA: Dada?
CAM: Yes, sweety?
JULIANA: I'm cold.
CAM: Yes, honey?
JULIANA: Are you cold?
CAM: No, honey. I'm not cold. Are you cold?
JULIANA: No. *pauses* Dada?
CAM: Yeah.
JULIANA: Are you hot?
CAM: No, I'm not hot either. Are you hot?
JULIANA: No. *pauses* Dada?
CAM: Yes, dear?
JULIANA: Are you cold?
CAM: No, I'm not cold. I'm just right. I'm comfortable.
JULIANA: Ohhhhh.
CAM: How about you? Are you comfortable?
JULIANA: Comafotrable.
CAM: Good.
JULIANA: ...
CAM: ...
JULIANA: Dada?
CAM: Yes, sweety?
JULIANA: I'm cold.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Volcano Blame
CAM: From now on, I'm using the volcano in Iceland as an excuse for all my mistakes. For example...
BETHANY: Cam, how come you haven't taken the garbage out yet?
CAM: The Iceland volcano.
BETHANY: The Iceland volcano!? We're not even in Iceland.
CAM: I know, but all that ash being spewed out has decreased my ability to take out the garbage.
BETHANY: How so?
CAM: The visibility is awful out there.
BETHANY: *looks out the window* It looks fine outside, Cameron. I have no idea what you're talking about.
CAM: *looks out the window with Bethany* See? I can't see the garbage dumpster from here.
BETHANY: That's because this window does not face the garbage dumpster.
CAM: Well, there you go. Another problem the Iceland volcano has caused.
BETHANY: You're being ridiculous.
CAM: You're the one being ridiculous! Do you know how bad it would be if the ash got in my lungs?
BETHANY: You're not making any sense. And look! This garbage is so full that it's spilling over.
CAM: Spilling over... like a volcano?
BETHANY: Cameron, the volcano is thousands of miles away. How can it be affecting us?
CAM: Because the planes can't fly.
BETHANY: Now, what does that have to do with taking out the garbage? And I'm pretty sure planes around our area are flying just fine.
CAM: Nope.
AIRPLANE: *flies by overhead*
BETHANY: Take out the garbage, Cameron.
CAM: Okay.
BETHANY: Cam, how come you haven't taken the garbage out yet?
CAM: The Iceland volcano.
BETHANY: The Iceland volcano!? We're not even in Iceland.
CAM: I know, but all that ash being spewed out has decreased my ability to take out the garbage.
BETHANY: How so?
CAM: The visibility is awful out there.
BETHANY: *looks out the window* It looks fine outside, Cameron. I have no idea what you're talking about.
CAM: *looks out the window with Bethany* See? I can't see the garbage dumpster from here.
BETHANY: That's because this window does not face the garbage dumpster.
CAM: Well, there you go. Another problem the Iceland volcano has caused.
BETHANY: You're being ridiculous.
CAM: You're the one being ridiculous! Do you know how bad it would be if the ash got in my lungs?
BETHANY: You're not making any sense. And look! This garbage is so full that it's spilling over.
CAM: Spilling over... like a volcano?
BETHANY: Cameron, the volcano is thousands of miles away. How can it be affecting us?
CAM: Because the planes can't fly.
BETHANY: Now, what does that have to do with taking out the garbage? And I'm pretty sure planes around our area are flying just fine.
CAM: Nope.
AIRPLANE: *flies by overhead*
BETHANY: Take out the garbage, Cameron.
CAM: Okay.
Monday, January 25, 2010
How many wives?
CAM: I overheard an interesting conversation on the Microsoft shuttle today while on the way to the transit center.
ISLAMIC PASSENGER #1: Hello.
ISLAMIC DRIVER: Ah, hello, Stefan.
STEFAN: *nods at another passenger* Hello.
ISLAMIC PASSENGER #2: Hello.
STEFAN: Wonderful weather we are having today.
ISLAMIC DRIVER: Gorgeous.
ISLAMIC PASSENGER #2: Beautiful.
STEFAN: ...
ISLAMIC DRIVER: ...
ISLAMIC PASSENGER: ...
CAM: ...
RADIO: *plays Kenny G*
ISLAMIC DRIVER: How many wives you have, Stefan?
STEFAN: ...
ISLAMIC PASSENGER #2: Well...?
STEFAN: It is secret.
ISLAMIC DRIVER: How many?
STEFAN: How many I have today?
ISLAMIC DRIVER: No, all the time.
STEFAN: This is private.
ISLAMIC DRIVER: I have three wives. Sometimes five.
ISLAMIC PASSENGER #2: I have two wife. Sometimes one.
EVERYONE EXCEPT CAM: lol.
ISLAMIC DRIVER: You know, in my country, you can marry more than one wife.
STEFAN: Mmm...
RADIO: *changes to Bob James*
ISLAMIC DRIVER: Stefan, you are going directly to transit center?
STEFAN: Yes.
ISLAMIC DRIVER: I drive straight into building and drop you off.
STEFAN: H'okay.
ISLAMIC PASSENGER #2: Don't run over his wife.
STEFAN AND ISLAMIC DRIVER: lol
ISLAMIC DRIVER: *runs over speed bump* Oh! Was that her?
EVERYONE EXCEPT CAM: lol.
CAM: ...
ISLAMIC DRIVER: ...
ISLAMIC PASSENGER #2: ...
STEFAN: ...
RADIO: *still playing Bob James*
SHUTTLE: *arrives at transit center*
ISLAMIC DRIVER: Everyone have nice day.
STEFAN: You, too! Thank you. *gets off shuttle*
ISLAMIC PASSENGER #2: Thank you. See you. *gets off shuttle*
CAM: Thank you. Say hello to your wives. *gets off shuttle*
ISLAMIC DRIVER: lol, k.
ISLAMIC PASSENGER #1: Hello.
ISLAMIC DRIVER: Ah, hello, Stefan.
STEFAN: *nods at another passenger* Hello.
ISLAMIC PASSENGER #2: Hello.
STEFAN: Wonderful weather we are having today.
ISLAMIC DRIVER: Gorgeous.
ISLAMIC PASSENGER #2: Beautiful.
STEFAN: ...
ISLAMIC DRIVER: ...
ISLAMIC PASSENGER: ...
CAM: ...
RADIO: *plays Kenny G*
ISLAMIC DRIVER: How many wives you have, Stefan?
STEFAN: ...
ISLAMIC PASSENGER #2: Well...?
STEFAN: It is secret.
ISLAMIC DRIVER: How many?
STEFAN: How many I have today?
ISLAMIC DRIVER: No, all the time.
STEFAN: This is private.
ISLAMIC DRIVER: I have three wives. Sometimes five.
ISLAMIC PASSENGER #2: I have two wife. Sometimes one.
EVERYONE EXCEPT CAM: lol.
ISLAMIC DRIVER: You know, in my country, you can marry more than one wife.
STEFAN: Mmm...
RADIO: *changes to Bob James*
ISLAMIC DRIVER: Stefan, you are going directly to transit center?
STEFAN: Yes.
ISLAMIC DRIVER: I drive straight into building and drop you off.
STEFAN: H'okay.
ISLAMIC PASSENGER #2: Don't run over his wife.
STEFAN AND ISLAMIC DRIVER: lol
ISLAMIC DRIVER: *runs over speed bump* Oh! Was that her?
EVERYONE EXCEPT CAM: lol.
CAM: ...
ISLAMIC DRIVER: ...
ISLAMIC PASSENGER #2: ...
STEFAN: ...
RADIO: *still playing Bob James*
SHUTTLE: *arrives at transit center*
ISLAMIC DRIVER: Everyone have nice day.
STEFAN: You, too! Thank you. *gets off shuttle*
ISLAMIC PASSENGER #2: Thank you. See you. *gets off shuttle*
CAM: Thank you. Say hello to your wives. *gets off shuttle*
ISLAMIC DRIVER: lol, k.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Me No Pause: The Return
CAM: While waiting in line for the bus this morning...
OLDER WOMAN: How are you doing this morning?
YOUNGER WOMAN: Good. I'm freezing though.
OLDER WOMAN: Get menopause!
YOUNGER WOMAN: Excuse me?
OLDER WOMAN: Seriously! Get menopause. You won't have any of those types of problems anymore.
YOUNGER WOMAN: *is just as shocked and embarrassed as everyone else*
OLDER WOMAN: The other day, I was on the bus and the male driver turned around and asked the passengers how the temperature was on the bus. It was hot as Hell; I was sweating. And this male passenger next to me has the nerve to reply back, "We're comfortable." I was like, "You're not the one going through menopause right now!" He didn't quite know what to say to that.
YOUNGER WOMAN: *and neither does she*
OLDER WOMAN: How are you doing this morning?
YOUNGER WOMAN: Good. I'm freezing though.
OLDER WOMAN: Get menopause!
YOUNGER WOMAN: Excuse me?
OLDER WOMAN: Seriously! Get menopause. You won't have any of those types of problems anymore.
YOUNGER WOMAN: *is just as shocked and embarrassed as everyone else*
OLDER WOMAN: The other day, I was on the bus and the male driver turned around and asked the passengers how the temperature was on the bus. It was hot as Hell; I was sweating. And this male passenger next to me has the nerve to reply back, "We're comfortable." I was like, "You're not the one going through menopause right now!" He didn't quite know what to say to that.
YOUNGER WOMAN: *and neither does she*
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