RiiiiiIIIIIbbit

BETHANY AND CAM: *fart at the same time*

BETHANY: Mine was better.

CAM: Indeed. If our farts were the ribbits of male frogs, yours would have gotten laid tonight.

$100,000

BETHANY, TAWNYA, AND CAM: *watch America's Funniest Videos*

HOST TOM BERGERON: And the winner is... the Wang Family! What do you plan on doing with your $100,000 winnings?

FATHER WANG: We're going to go to Disneyland!

TAWNYA: What about their children's college tuition? Shouldn't they keep the money for that?

BETHANY: I thought Asians were supposed to be smart.

CAM: Yeah, but he's fat Asian. Fat Asians aren't smart.

Let's Be Clear

CAM: *helps Heidi with her Windows Phone at his desk*

HEIDI: Hey, so what's with this cheerleader on your desk?

CAM: Huh?

HEIDI: This. *points at anime figure*

CAM: OH! Let's be clear now. That's an underage Japanese schoolgirl on my desk.

Star Wars Replies at Work

CAM: Are you sure you can take care of this?

ANDREW: I find your lack of faith... disturbing.

CAM: Did you see the readme file for the install?

ANDREW: Tear this ship apart until you’ve found those plans. And bring me the passengers, I want them alive!

CAM: I hate you.

ANDREW: *Wookiee roar*

Tic-Tac-Toe

JULIANA: *age 4* Let's play tic-tac-toe!

CAM: Okay.

JULIANA: I will be the O's and you will be the X's.

CAM: Sounds good. Are you going to draw the board?

JULIANA: Yeah. First you draw a square. *draws a circle*

CAM: Um... honey, that's a circle.

JULIANA: Yeah, that's a circle square.

Small Talk

CAM: That guy really needs to end the small talk.

ANDREW: Yeah, he sucks at it.

CAM: ...

ANDREW: ...

CAM: So, how about this weather we're having?

Love Portlandia

CAM: *Instant Messages Andrew during boring training class* is there lunch with this?

ANDREW: God I hope so

CAM: is it local?

ANDREW: Ball says we probably won't get lunch.. That's only for teams that matter.

CAM: marcus will be disappointed... when he finds out after his nap

ANDREW: He swallowed Bobby this morning, so he is ok