CAM: *Instant Messages Andrew during boring training class* is there lunch with this?
ANDREW: God I hope so
CAM: is it local?
ANDREW: Ball says we probably won't get lunch.. That's only for teams that matter.
CAM: marcus will be disappointed... when he finds out after his nap
ANDREW: He swallowed Bobby this morning, so he is ok
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
El, Singular
CAM: *Instant Messages Andrew during a meeting* did you know that "the interfaces" in Spanish is "las interfaces"?
ANDREW: what's for las luncho
CAM: i brought las enchiladas from mi casa
ANDREW: You are a los homo
CAM: "El" homo... "el" homo
ANDREW: what's for las luncho
CAM: i brought las enchiladas from mi casa
ANDREW: You are a los homo
CAM: "El" homo... "el" homo
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
Julie the Frog
JULIANA: *age 4, hands Cam a toy magic wand*
CAM: *waves wand over Juliana* I now turn you into a frog!
JULIANA: *gets down into a position one would to pretend to be a frog*
CAM: *waits for a ribbit*
JULIANA: I am a frog!
CAM: *waves wand over Juliana* I now turn you into a frog!
JULIANA: *gets down into a position one would to pretend to be a frog*
CAM: *waits for a ribbit*
JULIANA: I am a frog!
Monday, November 28, 2011
Yellow Car
CAM: I've recently started reading Kelly Oxford's blog and she can be quite funny at times. She writes in dialogue/script on occasion. Mostly involving her hilarious kids. This past Friday, she shared this little gem, so I thought I'd post it here. All credit to her, I didn't write any of it; I just copy/pasta'd.
KELLY: Ok. You guys, the yellow car that we are going to pass in 3 blocks does not count anymore. It's always parked there and you've called it too many times.
HENRY: *age 8* What?!
KELLY: You've called it too much, you both know it's there. I don't want a screaming match for a 'point' over that car.... I'm hereby determining it NULL. No points for the yellow car coming up.
SAL: *age 10* YELLOW CAR!!
HENRY: Where?
KELLY: SAL I TOLD YOU THIS ONE DOESN'T COUNT!!!
HENRY: YELLOW CAR!!!
KELLY: Henry, Sal just called it and I told you that you can't call that car! It's NULL!
HENRY: She couldn't even call it back there! She couldn't see it!
SAL: Yes I could!
KELLY: Yeah, she could totally see it and this is EXACTLY why I determined the car to be NULL.
HENRY AND SAL: I GET THE POINT!!!
KELLY: *stops the car* Both of you get out and walk home. You both are BACK TO ZERO POINTS IN YOUR YELLOW CAR GAME! Get out, walk.
SAL: Ok.
HENRY AND SAL: *start getting out of the car*
KELLY: GET BACK IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW!!!! *starts driving* If you guys got abducted what would I tell the police?? "Oh, yeah Officer, I kicked them out of the car because of the Yellow Car Game. You know, it was annoying." NO WAY! I am not gonna become the bad guy here, not now, not on my watch!!!!
SAL: You're insane.
HENRY: YELLOW CAR!
SAL: ARRRRGH!!
KELLY: Ok. You guys, the yellow car that we are going to pass in 3 blocks does not count anymore. It's always parked there and you've called it too many times.
HENRY: *age 8* What?!
KELLY: You've called it too much, you both know it's there. I don't want a screaming match for a 'point' over that car.... I'm hereby determining it NULL. No points for the yellow car coming up.
SAL: *age 10* YELLOW CAR!!
HENRY: Where?
KELLY: SAL I TOLD YOU THIS ONE DOESN'T COUNT!!!
HENRY: YELLOW CAR!!!
KELLY: Henry, Sal just called it and I told you that you can't call that car! It's NULL!
HENRY: She couldn't even call it back there! She couldn't see it!
SAL: Yes I could!
KELLY: Yeah, she could totally see it and this is EXACTLY why I determined the car to be NULL.
HENRY AND SAL: I GET THE POINT!!!
KELLY: *stops the car* Both of you get out and walk home. You both are BACK TO ZERO POINTS IN YOUR YELLOW CAR GAME! Get out, walk.
SAL: Ok.
HENRY AND SAL: *start getting out of the car*
KELLY: GET BACK IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW!!!! *starts driving* If you guys got abducted what would I tell the police?? "Oh, yeah Officer, I kicked them out of the car because of the Yellow Car Game. You know, it was annoying." NO WAY! I am not gonna become the bad guy here, not now, not on my watch!!!!
SAL: You're insane.
HENRY: YELLOW CAR!
SAL: ARRRRGH!!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Off to Grandma's!
CAM: Juliana, are you ready to go see Gigi?
JULIANA: That does not sound like a great idea.
JULIANA: That does not sound like a great idea.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Fake Apple Store
CAM: After reading the story about the fake Apple stores in China, my co-worker joked about buying a support contract through them. So I came up with this.
ANDREW: *calls Fake Apple Store*
EMPLOYEE: Herrow, Panda Express. Take order prease!
ANDREW: Hi, is this the Apple Store?
EMPLOYEE: Oh, one moment. *pause* Herrow, Apple Store, take order prease.
ANDREW: Um... hi, we’re looking to renew our support contract with you guys.
EMPLOYEE: Uh huh...
ANDREW: Because our Mac Pros... you know, what was with the Panda Express thing?
EMPLOYEE: No, this no Panda Express. This Apple Store. Take order PREASE!
ANDREW: This doesn’t seem legit.
EMPLOYEE: TAKE ORDER PREASE! PREASE!
ANDREW: I just want to renew our support contract.
EMPLOYEE: You want two item or three item... ack, no, I mean. Apple Support, yes. We have lots of that one.
ANDREW: Oh, great. Okay, we have 14 Macs that we’ll need contracts for.
EMPLOYEE: Uh huh...
ANDREW: Three running ProTools, and the rest have Final Cut Pro.
EMPLOYEE: Okay. You want fried rice or chow mein... ack, no! Finar Cut!
ANDREW: Forget it. I'm going to call the Apple Store in Mongolia.
EMPLOYEE: Wait, wait... you forget fortune cookie!
ANDREW: Yeah, I’m hanging up now. *hangs up*
EMPLOYEE: Gosh darn Mongolians, always making me roose my business!
CAM: Obviously I was inspired by South Park... a little.
ANDREW: *calls Fake Apple Store*
EMPLOYEE: Herrow, Panda Express. Take order prease!
ANDREW: Hi, is this the Apple Store?
EMPLOYEE: Oh, one moment. *pause* Herrow, Apple Store, take order prease.
ANDREW: Um... hi, we’re looking to renew our support contract with you guys.
EMPLOYEE: Uh huh...
ANDREW: Because our Mac Pros... you know, what was with the Panda Express thing?
EMPLOYEE: No, this no Panda Express. This Apple Store. Take order PREASE!
ANDREW: This doesn’t seem legit.
EMPLOYEE: TAKE ORDER PREASE! PREASE!
ANDREW: I just want to renew our support contract.
EMPLOYEE: You want two item or three item... ack, no, I mean. Apple Support, yes. We have lots of that one.
ANDREW: Oh, great. Okay, we have 14 Macs that we’ll need contracts for.
EMPLOYEE: Uh huh...
ANDREW: Three running ProTools, and the rest have Final Cut Pro.
EMPLOYEE: Okay. You want fried rice or chow mein... ack, no! Finar Cut!
ANDREW: Forget it. I'm going to call the Apple Store in Mongolia.
EMPLOYEE: Wait, wait... you forget fortune cookie!
ANDREW: Yeah, I’m hanging up now. *hangs up*
EMPLOYEE: Gosh darn Mongolians, always making me roose my business!
CAM: Obviously I was inspired by South Park... a little.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
The Keeper of the Badges
CAM: *gets in line with Andrew to get new security badge*
BADGE EMPLOYEE: *looks like he plays WoW a lot... while eating lots of lard-dipped pork rinds*
GUY: Hello. I need a new card.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: May I ask the reason?
GUY: The RAS chip is broken.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Ah, I see. Do you keep it in your wallet?
GUY: Yes.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Well, that's why. We recommend placing it in one of these hard shields.
GUY: Oh, okay. I will buy one of those.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Very good. Would you like to use the same picture?
GUY: Yes, please. I actually kind of like that one because I look younger.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Guess how old I am?
GUY: Um... oh, I wouldn't begin to know...
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Just guess.
GUY: I don't know. 35? 37?
BADGE EMPLOYEE: 42.
GUY: Oh, wow!
CAM: *would have guessed 52*
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Yep. The answer to it all, or everything. No. The answer to life, the universe, and all of it.
GUY: Oh, right.
CAM: Wrong.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: From that Hitchiker's Book.
GUY: Yeah.
CAM: So wrong.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: It's actually not a bad little movie. It had Marvin Freeman play the robot.
CAM: *facepalms*
BADGE EMPLOYEE: And the girl who plays Trillian was good. She was that girl in Get Smart.
GUY: Right.
CAM: OMG, idiots.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Alright, there you go. *hands over badge*
GUY: Thank you.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Greetings.
ANDREW: Hello. I need a new badge because my name has rubbed off on this one.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Do you keep it in your wallet?
ANDREW: Sometimes. I usually hang it from my belt.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Well, it's probably because you put it in your wallet. We recommend placing it in one of these hard shields.
ANDREW: Alright, I will.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: ...
ANDREW: Well, you're the keeper of the badges, aren't you?
BADGE EMPLOYEE: That's me. The badge master.
ANDREW: *looks back at Cam*
CAM: Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh...
BADGE EMPLOYEE: And there you go. You're new badge.
ANDREW: Thank you.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: You're welcome.
CAM: Hello.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Go Mariners.
CAM: Um... yes. I need a new card.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: I actually like the Seahawks more.
CAM: They're entirely different sports teams. Oh.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: But they're not having a great season.
CAM: Well, at least they're doing better than the Cowboys. *looks back at Andrew*
ANDREW: >=|
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Indeed. May I ask where you keep your badge?
CAM: Well, I used to keep it in my wallet, but ever since I got this awesome badge shield thing, I-...
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Well, it's probably messed up because you put it in your wallet. We recommend placing it in one of these hard shields.
CAM: Yep, that's why I got this. *holds up badge shield*
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Hard. Shields.
CAM: 'Kay.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Would you like to use the same picture?
CAM: Yes, please.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Very well. There you go. *hands over badge*
CAM: Thanks.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: *looks like he plays WoW a lot... while eating lots of lard-dipped pork rinds*
GUY: Hello. I need a new card.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: May I ask the reason?
GUY: The RAS chip is broken.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Ah, I see. Do you keep it in your wallet?
GUY: Yes.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Well, that's why. We recommend placing it in one of these hard shields.
GUY: Oh, okay. I will buy one of those.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Very good. Would you like to use the same picture?
GUY: Yes, please. I actually kind of like that one because I look younger.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Guess how old I am?
GUY: Um... oh, I wouldn't begin to know...
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Just guess.
GUY: I don't know. 35? 37?
BADGE EMPLOYEE: 42.
GUY: Oh, wow!
CAM: *would have guessed 52*
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Yep. The answer to it all, or everything. No. The answer to life, the universe, and all of it.
GUY: Oh, right.
CAM: Wrong.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: From that Hitchiker's Book.
GUY: Yeah.
CAM: So wrong.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: It's actually not a bad little movie. It had Marvin Freeman play the robot.
CAM: *facepalms*
BADGE EMPLOYEE: And the girl who plays Trillian was good. She was that girl in Get Smart.
GUY: Right.
CAM: OMG, idiots.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Alright, there you go. *hands over badge*
GUY: Thank you.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Greetings.
ANDREW: Hello. I need a new badge because my name has rubbed off on this one.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Do you keep it in your wallet?
ANDREW: Sometimes. I usually hang it from my belt.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Well, it's probably because you put it in your wallet. We recommend placing it in one of these hard shields.
ANDREW: Alright, I will.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: ...
ANDREW: Well, you're the keeper of the badges, aren't you?
BADGE EMPLOYEE: That's me. The badge master.
ANDREW: *looks back at Cam*
CAM: Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh...
BADGE EMPLOYEE: And there you go. You're new badge.
ANDREW: Thank you.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: You're welcome.
CAM: Hello.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Go Mariners.
CAM: Um... yes. I need a new card.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: I actually like the Seahawks more.
CAM: They're entirely different sports teams. Oh.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: But they're not having a great season.
CAM: Well, at least they're doing better than the Cowboys. *looks back at Andrew*
ANDREW: >=|
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Indeed. May I ask where you keep your badge?
CAM: Well, I used to keep it in my wallet, but ever since I got this awesome badge shield thing, I-...
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Well, it's probably messed up because you put it in your wallet. We recommend placing it in one of these hard shields.
CAM: Yep, that's why I got this. *holds up badge shield*
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Hard. Shields.
CAM: 'Kay.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Would you like to use the same picture?
CAM: Yes, please.
BADGE EMPLOYEE: Very well. There you go. *hands over badge*
CAM: Thanks.
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