CAM: I'm sorry that it has been so long since I last posted something on here. You can rest assured that I won't ever give up on this blog and will never run out of ideas. It's mostly just a matter of time. Anyway, the other day I was bored and stumbled upon an online version of Asteroids. I wondered who ever thought up the game and I quickly realized that it must have gone something like this...
GAME DESIGNER: Alright, sir. You are the pilot of a giant capital A. You fly around using lower case v's as your fuel. There's these asteroids floating around space made up of backslashes and forward slashes. In order to destroy them, you must fire periods at them. And that's the entire game!
COMPANY PRESIDENT: And they just disappear?
GAME DESIGNER: Uhhh... no.
COMPANY PRESIDENT: ...
GAME DESIGNER: They... uh... break up into smaller faster moving asteroids!
COMPANY PRESIDENT: That's all... just asteroids?
GAME DESIGNER: Uhhh... no, sir.
COMPANY PRESIDENT: ...
GAME DESIGNER: There's also... um... aliens! Yeah, space aliens that try to shoot you with their own periods!
COMPANY PRESIDENT: Aliens?
GAME DESIGNER: Yes, and they are different sizes, too! One is bigger and one is smaller. When you destroy the smaller ones, you get more points!
COMPANY PRESIDENT: Now that sounds like a game!
GAME DESIGNER: Oh yeah! Wait 'til you hear about my other idea called Highway Crossing Frog!
COMPANY PRESIDENT: What is that about?
GAME DESIGNER: Well, you are this frog, and you have to cross a street!
COMPANY PRESIDENT: Cross a street? That's it?
GAME DESIGNER: Uhhh... no, sir.
COMPANY PRESIDENT: ...
GAME DESIGNER: There's... uh... cars, on the street! And you have to dodge them to get across the street.
COMPANY PRESIDENT: So, this frog gets to the other side of this street and that's it?
GAME DESIGNER: Uhhh... of course not! Then, there's a river!
COMPANY PRESIDENT: Woah, now you've got my attention. When did a river come into play!?
GAME DESIGNER: It's after the street, sir.
COMPANY PRESIDENT: I'm really intrigued now. What do you have to do with the river?
GAME DESIGNER: Uhhh... you have to... cross... that... too!
COMPANY PRESIDENT: And how will this frog do that?
GAME DESIGNER: LOGS!
COMPANY PRESIDENT: *startled back*
GAME DESIGNER: With logs! The frog jumps across logs to get to the other side of the river.
COMPANY PRESIDENT: Just logs...
GAME DESIGNER: ...and turtles!
COMPANY PRESIDENT: Excellent! And what about after that?
GAME DESIGNER: Um... well...
COMPANY PRESIDENT: ...
GAME DESIGNER: ...he does it all over again! This time with faster cars and logs! Oh! And there's dangerous alligators in the river now!
COMPANY PRESIDENT: I see. What exactly is the frog's motivation to cross the street and river?
GAME DESIGNER: Uh... he wants to... uh... go back to his froggy home.
COMPANY PRESIDENT: Froggy home, eh? Froggy? Frogger. Frogger! The game should instead be called Frogger!
GAME DESIGNER: Yes, sir!
COMPANY PRESIDENT: I want to see a draft and we'll go from there.
CAM: And little did we all know that they would be two of the most popular games ever.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
LOST – Pilot Part 1 in D/S
Disclaimer: Lost is one of my favorite shows of all-time and I’ve always enjoyed making fun of some of the odd things that occur on the island. It was time to make a D/S. The only source I used was the episode on DVD. I don’t really plan on doing every episode, but I figured this would hold you off until my next true D/S. My wife, Bethany, contributed a lot to this particular D/S, so thanks to her. If there are any errors, please comment. Even if there aren't, comment anyway.
Somewhere, someplace, on something
JACK: *eye pop*
SOMETHING IN THE BUSHES: *creeps*
JACK: I fell out of a plane unsupported into the jungle and I’m still alive?
DOG: Yep. See ya.
JACK: *stands up* Mother of Jordan, that hurt. *pulls out vodka* I don’t feel drunk.
Immediately after in the jungle (Welcome to the jungle, watch it bring you to your shun n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n knees, knees)
JACK: *runs through the jungle and...*
Comes out at the beach
JACK: Looks like some normal beach.
WOMAN: *screams*
JACK: Some normal beach with screaming women.
JET ENGINE: *whirs*
JACK: Some normal beach with screaming women and loud jet engines.
CRASHED PLANE: *is revealed*
JACK: Some normal beach with screaming women, loud jet engines, and crashed airplanes on it.
CRASH VICTIMS: *are frantic*
SHANNON: That jet engine just ate my Manolo Blahniks!
SOME GUY: Help me!
JACK: *helps him*
CLAIRE: Help me!
JACK: How many months pregnant are you?
THE AUDIENCE: *can assume Jack is a doctor*
CLAIRE: Only 8 months and I’m having contractions.
SOME AUTHOR DUDE: I sure hope I don’t die on this beach because then I won’t be able to publish my boo...
JET ENGINE: *eats the author and explodes*
CLAIRE: Either my water just broke, or I peed my pants.
JACK: You’re gonna be fine, just sit still next to this weak airplane wing. Hey, fatty!
HURLEY: Me?
JACK: Yeah. Come here and take care of this other fatty.
HURLEY: LOL, K. What’s your name?
JACK: Read the first part of this D/S!
HURLEY: Ginny?
JACK: *runs over to a boy performing CPR on an old lady* You’re not doing that right.
BOONE: Screw you, I’m a lifeguard!
JACK: Well, screw you, I’m a doctor. FACE!
BOONE: Maybe we should jab a pen in her throat.
JACK: [sarcastic] Yeah, go find one. [/sarcastic]
OLD LADY: *receives CPR from a professional doctor*
JACK: Your lips taste like Werther’s Originals.
OLD LADY: *gasps*
JACK: Take big deep breaths.
WEAK AIRPLANE WING: *starts to fall*
JACK: Hurley!!! Move! Get her out of there.
CLAIRE: Didn’t you tell me to just sit still?
HURLEY: *looks up and sees wing* Oh, crap.
WEAK AIRPLANE WING: *lands on another engine causing everything including the water to blow up barely missing Jack, Hurley, and Claire*
CLAIRE: Okay. Now either the baby just popped out, or I pooped my pants.
RANDOM AIRPLANE PART: *lands right next to Charlie*
CHARLIE: Woah, I’m trippin’.
JACK: *starts pilfering through luggage* I could really use a Zanax right now.
A secluded area just off the beach
JACK: *takes off his shirt to reveal manly chest-hair (oh, and a pretty deep wound on the side of his body)*
KATE: *wanders*
JACK: Hey sexy lady. Did you ever use a needle?
KATE: I experimented with a couple of drugs back in college.
JACK: No, I mean a sewing needle.
KATE: How could you shoot up with a sewing needle?
JACK: Just sew up my side and I’ll tell you a story.
Back at the crash site
SAWYER: *lights up a cigarette*
CLAIRE: *wades in the water*
HURLEY: *can’t believe they put the fat guy in charge of the food*
BOONE: *gets no signal on his cell phone*
SAYID: *builds a fire*
CHARLIE: *is still high*
THE AUDIENCE: *thinks they won’t be able to remember all the characters*
SAYID: Hey, what’s you name?
CHARLIE: Dude, just read the D/S.
SAYID: Charlie, I need help with the fire. We need to make it big enough so that whoever comes to rescue us can see it.
Back in the surgery hut
KATE: I might throw up on you.
JACK: That’s hot.
KATE: You don’t seem afraid at all about all this.
JACK: Well, I’m the hero, slash, leader of the show, so I’m not allowed to be afraid. Plus, when you’re a doctor, you see all sorts of gross stuff.
KATE: Like a young girl leaving the gas stove on and blowing up her step-father?
JACK: What?
KATE: Nothing.
JACK: No, when I was operating on this young girl, I accidentally split open her sack.
KATE: I thought you just said you were operating on a "girl".
JACK: No, her Dural Sack. It’s at the base of the spine where all the nerves come together. It ripped open and nerves flew out of her like grandma’s spaghetti.
KATE: Like running out of a bank after just robbing it?
JACK: What?
KATE: Nothing.
JACK: The terror was just so crazy, so real, and I knew that I had to deal with it. *starts to cry* So, I let the fear take me over for 5 seconds and that’s all I was gonna give it. So, I started to count. One... two... five...
KATE: Three, sir!
JACK: Three... four... five. And then the fear was gone.
KATE: So, you saved the girl?
JACK: Oh, no. She died.
KATE: You know, if that were me, I would have run away and got my best friend shot in the process.
JACK: What?
KATE: I like Sawyer.
Pow-wow on the beach
CHARLIE: *writes "fate" on his fingers*
SAYID: Stop being so emo, Charlie.
SHANNON: My feet must look sexy for when the hot rescue men get here.
BOONE: *offers Shannon a chocolate bar*
SHANNON: No, Professor Lupin. I’m not going to eat the chocolate.
BOONE: You know, we might be here for awhile.
SHANNON: They’ll find us because they can’t resist my sexiness.
HURLEY: Claire, you hungry?
CLAIRE: Dude, I’m hungry all the time.
HURLEY: Tell me about it.
JIN: [korean] You must never leave my sight, woman. [/korean]
SUN: I’m so glad I cheated on you before we got here.
JACK: *examines a guy with some shrapnel in his side*
KATE: Is he gonna live?
JACK: Do you know him?
KATE: He was the marshal taking me back to the States.
JACK: What?
KATE: Nothing. I mean... he was sitting next to me.
JACK. ...
KATE: ...
JACK: So, how about that crash today.
KATE: Yeah, that sucked.
JACK: I wonder where the cockpit is.
KATE: Probably in the jungle where that black smoke is coming up.
JACK: We should go there.
KATE: Yeah...
SOMETHING IN THE JUNGLE: *crashes and makes T-Rex sounds*
AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: It’s a dinosaur!
AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: It’s a giant tractor!
AUDIENCE MEMBER #3: It’s a black smoke monster that can read the thoughts of your past and judge you on every action you’ve taken and determines whether or not you should live!
THE AUDIENCE: Nah!
THE LOSTIES: WTF?
In the recent past on Oceanic flight 815
STEWARDESS: Drunk yet?
JACK: No. This drink is weaksauce.
STEWARDESS: *slips Jack some vodka*
THE AUDIENCE: Ah-ha!
JACK: *mixes himself a Screw Driver* Better. *starts to get up*
PLANE: *goes through some turbulence*
JACK: Yeah, being drunk plus shaky airplane equals me sitting back down.
OLD LADY: *fastens seat belt*
JACK: Don’t worry. It’s normal.
OLD LADY: Oh, honey. You know this plane is goin’ down and us black folk ain’t gonna survive. Good thing my husband’s white.
CAM’S READERS: That’s a bit of racism if I’ve ever heard it.
CAM: Hey, at least she lives!
CAM’S READERS: Touché.
JACK: Don’t worry. This should all be over in...
Back on the plane crashed beach
KATE: You ready?
JACK: You don’t need to come with me, you know?
KATE: But I want to totally lead you on until I make sweet, sweet love with James.
JACK: What?
KATE: I have a messed up past and future!
JACK: You’re going to need nicer shoes.
KATE: Well, I did hear that someone had some Manolo Blahniks.
Elsewhere on the beach
HURLEY: So, I was rummaging for food in the fuselage and I was thinking, maybe we should do something about the... *spots Walt* R-L-Y S-T-I-N-K-I-E D-E-D B-O-D-Y-S.
WALT: I’m not five. I can spell "bodies" better than you.
SAYID: Back where I’m from, we take all the dead bodies, put them in a pile, point at their genitals, and burn them.
JACK: I’m going to go look for the cockpit and see if there’s a transceiver or something inside it.
CHARLIE: I’ll come with you. I feel like getting my drug on.
JACK: LOL, K.
Some pretty valley that is totally NOT Hawaii
KATE: You look familiar.
CHARLIE: Ever heard of Drive Shaft?
KATE: I experimented with that position back in college.
CHARLIE: No, the band.
KATE: Oh, oh, oh, oh! Yeah.
CHARLIE: Well, I played bass.
KATE: No wai! My friend absolutely loves your band!
JACK: You young kids and your dang music.
The beach (not the one with Leo)
A THUNDER STORM: *starts*
EVERYONE: *hides from the rain*
JIN: *runs off solicitors*
LOCKE: *enjoys the rain*
JUNGLE MONSTER: *stirs*
CLAIRE: There it is again.
At the site of the very front of the plane
CHARLIE: Let’s get my drugs and get out of here.
JACK, KATE, AND CHARLIE: *climb up towards the cockpit passing dead bodies... as one would*
JACK: *breaks open the cockpit door*
CAM: Is it really that easy?
DEAD BODY: *flies out freaking out everyone watching the show*
KATE: So, what does a transceiver look like?
JACK: It looks like a Talkboy.
KATE: I had a Talkgirl.
PILOT: I remember those!
JACK: OMG! Get this man some water, stat!
PILOT: How many survived?
JACK: At least 48.
PILOT: 48? What an odd number.
KATE: Actually, 42 would be odder.
PILOT: How long has it been?
JACK: 16.
KATE: There. Now you’re getting a hang of this numbers thing.
PILOT: Six hours into the flight, our radio went out.
KATE: It went out of the plane!?
PILOT: ...
JACK: ...
PILOT: No one could see us, so we turned around and headed to land in Fiji. By the time we hit turbulence, we were way off course. They’re looking for us in the wrong place. I can read your mind. We have a transceiver right there.
JACK: Where’s Charlie?
KATE: Charlie?
CHARLIE: *comes out of the bathroom*
KATE: What were you doing in the bathroom?
CHARLIE: This is a bathroom!?
JUNGLE MONSTER: *makes T-Rex sound again*
PILOT: What was that?
JACK: We don’t know and I don’t think we’re going to find out for a long time.
KATE: It’s right outside.
PILOT: *gets curious*
JUNGLE MONSTER: Curiosity killed the cat.
PILOT: *gets killed like a cat*
CHARLIE: Run away!
In the wet jungle
JACK, KATE, AND CHARLIE: *run away from the jungle monster*
CHARLIE: *foot gets caught in some vines* I’m not in the position to be able to slip my foot out of some vines.
JACK: *goes back to help*
KATE: *runs Forrest, runs and hides in some trees* Jack!
ALL: *is quiet*
KATE: One... two... five...
CHARLIE: Kate!
KATE: Where’s Jack!?
CHARLIE: I don’t know. He helped me out. And then he was gone.
KATE: We have to go back for him! He’s one-third of the love triangle!
CHARLIE: Are you mad!?
KATE: Yes.
CHARLIE: I heard you shout for Jack. How come you weren’t concerned about me?
KATE: Because for all you knew, you were just high and on a trip.
CHARLIE: That makes sense.
KATE: *finds pilot wings*
CHARLIE: If that’s there...
KATE AND CHARLIE: *look up in the trees and see…*
JACK: The pilot.
KATE: Did you see the monster?
JACK: No.
CHARLIE: Well, hopefully we’ll be off this island tomorrow...
FIN.
Somewhere, someplace, on something
JACK: *eye pop*
SOMETHING IN THE BUSHES: *creeps*
JACK: I fell out of a plane unsupported into the jungle and I’m still alive?
DOG: Yep. See ya.
JACK: *stands up* Mother of Jordan, that hurt. *pulls out vodka* I don’t feel drunk.
Immediately after in the jungle (Welcome to the jungle, watch it bring you to your shun n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n knees, knees)
JACK: *runs through the jungle and...*
Comes out at the beach
JACK: Looks like some normal beach.
WOMAN: *screams*
JACK: Some normal beach with screaming women.
JET ENGINE: *whirs*
JACK: Some normal beach with screaming women and loud jet engines.
CRASHED PLANE: *is revealed*
JACK: Some normal beach with screaming women, loud jet engines, and crashed airplanes on it.
CRASH VICTIMS: *are frantic*
SHANNON: That jet engine just ate my Manolo Blahniks!
SOME GUY: Help me!
JACK: *helps him*
CLAIRE: Help me!
JACK: How many months pregnant are you?
THE AUDIENCE: *can assume Jack is a doctor*
CLAIRE: Only 8 months and I’m having contractions.
SOME AUTHOR DUDE: I sure hope I don’t die on this beach because then I won’t be able to publish my boo...
JET ENGINE: *eats the author and explodes*
CLAIRE: Either my water just broke, or I peed my pants.
JACK: You’re gonna be fine, just sit still next to this weak airplane wing. Hey, fatty!
HURLEY: Me?
JACK: Yeah. Come here and take care of this other fatty.
HURLEY: LOL, K. What’s your name?
JACK: Read the first part of this D/S!
HURLEY: Ginny?
JACK: *runs over to a boy performing CPR on an old lady* You’re not doing that right.
BOONE: Screw you, I’m a lifeguard!
JACK: Well, screw you, I’m a doctor. FACE!
BOONE: Maybe we should jab a pen in her throat.
JACK: [sarcastic] Yeah, go find one. [/sarcastic]
OLD LADY: *receives CPR from a professional doctor*
JACK: Your lips taste like Werther’s Originals.
OLD LADY: *gasps*
JACK: Take big deep breaths.
WEAK AIRPLANE WING: *starts to fall*
JACK: Hurley!!! Move! Get her out of there.
CLAIRE: Didn’t you tell me to just sit still?
HURLEY: *looks up and sees wing* Oh, crap.
WEAK AIRPLANE WING: *lands on another engine causing everything including the water to blow up barely missing Jack, Hurley, and Claire*
CLAIRE: Okay. Now either the baby just popped out, or I pooped my pants.
RANDOM AIRPLANE PART: *lands right next to Charlie*
CHARLIE: Woah, I’m trippin’.
JACK: *starts pilfering through luggage* I could really use a Zanax right now.
A secluded area just off the beach
JACK: *takes off his shirt to reveal manly chest-hair (oh, and a pretty deep wound on the side of his body)*
KATE: *wanders*
JACK: Hey sexy lady. Did you ever use a needle?
KATE: I experimented with a couple of drugs back in college.
JACK: No, I mean a sewing needle.
KATE: How could you shoot up with a sewing needle?
JACK: Just sew up my side and I’ll tell you a story.
Back at the crash site
SAWYER: *lights up a cigarette*
CLAIRE: *wades in the water*
HURLEY: *can’t believe they put the fat guy in charge of the food*
BOONE: *gets no signal on his cell phone*
SAYID: *builds a fire*
CHARLIE: *is still high*
THE AUDIENCE: *thinks they won’t be able to remember all the characters*
SAYID: Hey, what’s you name?
CHARLIE: Dude, just read the D/S.
SAYID: Charlie, I need help with the fire. We need to make it big enough so that whoever comes to rescue us can see it.
Back in the surgery hut
KATE: I might throw up on you.
JACK: That’s hot.
KATE: You don’t seem afraid at all about all this.
JACK: Well, I’m the hero, slash, leader of the show, so I’m not allowed to be afraid. Plus, when you’re a doctor, you see all sorts of gross stuff.
KATE: Like a young girl leaving the gas stove on and blowing up her step-father?
JACK: What?
KATE: Nothing.
JACK: No, when I was operating on this young girl, I accidentally split open her sack.
KATE: I thought you just said you were operating on a "girl".
JACK: No, her Dural Sack. It’s at the base of the spine where all the nerves come together. It ripped open and nerves flew out of her like grandma’s spaghetti.
KATE: Like running out of a bank after just robbing it?
JACK: What?
KATE: Nothing.
JACK: The terror was just so crazy, so real, and I knew that I had to deal with it. *starts to cry* So, I let the fear take me over for 5 seconds and that’s all I was gonna give it. So, I started to count. One... two... five...
KATE: Three, sir!
JACK: Three... four... five. And then the fear was gone.
KATE: So, you saved the girl?
JACK: Oh, no. She died.
KATE: You know, if that were me, I would have run away and got my best friend shot in the process.
JACK: What?
KATE: I like Sawyer.
Pow-wow on the beach
CHARLIE: *writes "fate" on his fingers*
SAYID: Stop being so emo, Charlie.
SHANNON: My feet must look sexy for when the hot rescue men get here.
BOONE: *offers Shannon a chocolate bar*
SHANNON: No, Professor Lupin. I’m not going to eat the chocolate.
BOONE: You know, we might be here for awhile.
SHANNON: They’ll find us because they can’t resist my sexiness.
HURLEY: Claire, you hungry?
CLAIRE: Dude, I’m hungry all the time.
HURLEY: Tell me about it.
JIN: [korean] You must never leave my sight, woman. [/korean]
SUN: I’m so glad I cheated on you before we got here.
JACK: *examines a guy with some shrapnel in his side*
KATE: Is he gonna live?
JACK: Do you know him?
KATE: He was the marshal taking me back to the States.
JACK: What?
KATE: Nothing. I mean... he was sitting next to me.
JACK. ...
KATE: ...
JACK: So, how about that crash today.
KATE: Yeah, that sucked.
JACK: I wonder where the cockpit is.
KATE: Probably in the jungle where that black smoke is coming up.
JACK: We should go there.
KATE: Yeah...
SOMETHING IN THE JUNGLE: *crashes and makes T-Rex sounds*
AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: It’s a dinosaur!
AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: It’s a giant tractor!
AUDIENCE MEMBER #3: It’s a black smoke monster that can read the thoughts of your past and judge you on every action you’ve taken and determines whether or not you should live!
THE AUDIENCE: Nah!
THE LOSTIES: WTF?
In the recent past on Oceanic flight 815
STEWARDESS: Drunk yet?
JACK: No. This drink is weaksauce.
STEWARDESS: *slips Jack some vodka*
THE AUDIENCE: Ah-ha!
JACK: *mixes himself a Screw Driver* Better. *starts to get up*
PLANE: *goes through some turbulence*
JACK: Yeah, being drunk plus shaky airplane equals me sitting back down.
OLD LADY: *fastens seat belt*
JACK: Don’t worry. It’s normal.
OLD LADY: Oh, honey. You know this plane is goin’ down and us black folk ain’t gonna survive. Good thing my husband’s white.
CAM’S READERS: That’s a bit of racism if I’ve ever heard it.
CAM: Hey, at least she lives!
CAM’S READERS: Touché.
JACK: Don’t worry. This should all be over in...
Back on the plane crashed beach
KATE: You ready?
JACK: You don’t need to come with me, you know?
KATE: But I want to totally lead you on until I make sweet, sweet love with James.
JACK: What?
KATE: I have a messed up past and future!
JACK: You’re going to need nicer shoes.
KATE: Well, I did hear that someone had some Manolo Blahniks.
Elsewhere on the beach
HURLEY: So, I was rummaging for food in the fuselage and I was thinking, maybe we should do something about the... *spots Walt* R-L-Y S-T-I-N-K-I-E D-E-D B-O-D-Y-S.
WALT: I’m not five. I can spell "bodies" better than you.
SAYID: Back where I’m from, we take all the dead bodies, put them in a pile, point at their genitals, and burn them.
JACK: I’m going to go look for the cockpit and see if there’s a transceiver or something inside it.
CHARLIE: I’ll come with you. I feel like getting my drug on.
JACK: LOL, K.
Some pretty valley that is totally NOT Hawaii
KATE: You look familiar.
CHARLIE: Ever heard of Drive Shaft?
KATE: I experimented with that position back in college.
CHARLIE: No, the band.
KATE: Oh, oh, oh, oh! Yeah.
CHARLIE: Well, I played bass.
KATE: No wai! My friend absolutely loves your band!
JACK: You young kids and your dang music.
The beach (not the one with Leo)
A THUNDER STORM: *starts*
EVERYONE: *hides from the rain*
JIN: *runs off solicitors*
LOCKE: *enjoys the rain*
JUNGLE MONSTER: *stirs*
CLAIRE: There it is again.
At the site of the very front of the plane
CHARLIE: Let’s get my drugs and get out of here.
JACK, KATE, AND CHARLIE: *climb up towards the cockpit passing dead bodies... as one would*
JACK: *breaks open the cockpit door*
CAM: Is it really that easy?
DEAD BODY: *flies out freaking out everyone watching the show*
KATE: So, what does a transceiver look like?
JACK: It looks like a Talkboy.
KATE: I had a Talkgirl.
PILOT: I remember those!
JACK: OMG! Get this man some water, stat!
PILOT: How many survived?
JACK: At least 48.
PILOT: 48? What an odd number.
KATE: Actually, 42 would be odder.
PILOT: How long has it been?
JACK: 16.
KATE: There. Now you’re getting a hang of this numbers thing.
PILOT: Six hours into the flight, our radio went out.
KATE: It went out of the plane!?
PILOT: ...
JACK: ...
PILOT: No one could see us, so we turned around and headed to land in Fiji. By the time we hit turbulence, we were way off course. They’re looking for us in the wrong place. I can read your mind. We have a transceiver right there.
JACK: Where’s Charlie?
KATE: Charlie?
CHARLIE: *comes out of the bathroom*
KATE: What were you doing in the bathroom?
CHARLIE: This is a bathroom!?
JUNGLE MONSTER: *makes T-Rex sound again*
PILOT: What was that?
JACK: We don’t know and I don’t think we’re going to find out for a long time.
KATE: It’s right outside.
PILOT: *gets curious*
JUNGLE MONSTER: Curiosity killed the cat.
PILOT: *gets killed like a cat*
CHARLIE: Run away!
In the wet jungle
JACK, KATE, AND CHARLIE: *run away from the jungle monster*
CHARLIE: *foot gets caught in some vines* I’m not in the position to be able to slip my foot out of some vines.
JACK: *goes back to help*
KATE: *runs Forrest, runs and hides in some trees* Jack!
ALL: *is quiet*
KATE: One... two... five...
CHARLIE: Kate!
KATE: Where’s Jack!?
CHARLIE: I don’t know. He helped me out. And then he was gone.
KATE: We have to go back for him! He’s one-third of the love triangle!
CHARLIE: Are you mad!?
KATE: Yes.
CHARLIE: I heard you shout for Jack. How come you weren’t concerned about me?
KATE: Because for all you knew, you were just high and on a trip.
CHARLIE: That makes sense.
KATE: *finds pilot wings*
CHARLIE: If that’s there...
KATE AND CHARLIE: *look up in the trees and see…*
JACK: The pilot.
KATE: Did you see the monster?
JACK: No.
CHARLIE: Well, hopefully we’ll be off this island tomorrow...
FIN.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Yee-haw! in D/S
CAM: Bethany had her first OB/GYN appointment today and everything went well. While we were in the waiting room of the laboratory, four Texan women were able to meet and tell each other about themselves. These are their stories (all voices in extremely loud female Texas accents):
PEGGY SUE: Boy, I tell you what, them Aggies man. That's a good school right there.
MARY LOU: Dag gone ya'll, that place has gotten bigger than a cowpie on a Tuesday.
BETTY ANN: Ya'll went to A&M?
MARY LOU: I did, she didn't.
BETTY ANN: Shoot, my son goes there right now. I'm worried 'bout him.
PEGGY SUE: Why's that, darlin'?
BETTY ANN: Well, because he's from such a small town and A&M is so big.
MARY LOU: It sure has gotten bigger... like a cowpie on a Friday.
PEGGY SUE: ...
MARY LOU: Where are you from?
BETTY ANN: I'm from down there in Sonora.
MARY LOU: *nods*
PEGGY SUE: *nods*
BETTY ANN: Where ya'll from?
PEGGY SUE: We're both from Barnhart.
BETTY ANN: Okay, okay. Ya'll know a fella by the name of C.Q. Washington?
MARY LOU: HELLZ YEAH!... I mean... yes. We know him.
BETTY ANN: Well, he's my uncle-in-law.
MARY LOU: No wai.
BETTY ANN: Yep, I married his brother's son.
PEGGY SUE: Well, I'll be darned.
BOBBIE JO: Ya'll say you from Barnhart?
MARY LOU: We are.
BOBBIE JO: Well check this here out. I'm from Miles.
MARY LOU: *laughs hard*
PEGGY SUE: *laughs hard*
BETTY ANN: Don't blink!
BOBBIE JO: *laughs*
BETTY ANN: Don't blink or you'll miss it!
ALL: *laugh obnoxiously loud*
PEGGY SUE: No, blink twice and you'll miss Miles. Blink once and you'll miss Barnhart.
ALL: *laugh some more, sounding more and more like clucking hens*
BOBBIE JO: *laughs so hard she lays an egg*
PEGGY SUE: Wait, what's your name?
BOBBIE JO: Bobbie Jo.
PEGGY SUE: No, your last name.
BOBBIE JO: Ortiz.
PEGGY SUE: You wouldn't know Willy Ortiz now, would ya?
BOBBIE JO: Yeah, he's my brother's father-in-law!
PEGGY SUE: We know him back from grade school.
MARY LOU: He was the feisty one, that boy.
BOBBIE JO: I'll bet! He is a character!
PEGGY SUE: Ain't that the truth!
MARY LOU: Like a cowpie!
ALL: *laugh so loud*
NURSE: Bethany.
CAM: Oh, thank God.
PEGGY SUE: Boy, I tell you what, them Aggies man. That's a good school right there.
MARY LOU: Dag gone ya'll, that place has gotten bigger than a cowpie on a Tuesday.
BETTY ANN: Ya'll went to A&M?
MARY LOU: I did, she didn't.
BETTY ANN: Shoot, my son goes there right now. I'm worried 'bout him.
PEGGY SUE: Why's that, darlin'?
BETTY ANN: Well, because he's from such a small town and A&M is so big.
MARY LOU: It sure has gotten bigger... like a cowpie on a Friday.
PEGGY SUE: ...
MARY LOU: Where are you from?
BETTY ANN: I'm from down there in Sonora.
MARY LOU: *nods*
PEGGY SUE: *nods*
BETTY ANN: Where ya'll from?
PEGGY SUE: We're both from Barnhart.
BETTY ANN: Okay, okay. Ya'll know a fella by the name of C.Q. Washington?
MARY LOU: HELLZ YEAH!... I mean... yes. We know him.
BETTY ANN: Well, he's my uncle-in-law.
MARY LOU: No wai.
BETTY ANN: Yep, I married his brother's son.
PEGGY SUE: Well, I'll be darned.
BOBBIE JO: Ya'll say you from Barnhart?
MARY LOU: We are.
BOBBIE JO: Well check this here out. I'm from Miles.
MARY LOU: *laughs hard*
PEGGY SUE: *laughs hard*
BETTY ANN: Don't blink!
BOBBIE JO: *laughs*
BETTY ANN: Don't blink or you'll miss it!
ALL: *laugh obnoxiously loud*
PEGGY SUE: No, blink twice and you'll miss Miles. Blink once and you'll miss Barnhart.
ALL: *laugh some more, sounding more and more like clucking hens*
BOBBIE JO: *laughs so hard she lays an egg*
PEGGY SUE: Wait, what's your name?
BOBBIE JO: Bobbie Jo.
PEGGY SUE: No, your last name.
BOBBIE JO: Ortiz.
PEGGY SUE: You wouldn't know Willy Ortiz now, would ya?
BOBBIE JO: Yeah, he's my brother's father-in-law!
PEGGY SUE: We know him back from grade school.
MARY LOU: He was the feisty one, that boy.
BOBBIE JO: I'll bet! He is a character!
PEGGY SUE: Ain't that the truth!
MARY LOU: Like a cowpie!
ALL: *laugh so loud*
NURSE: Bethany.
CAM: Oh, thank God.
Monday, January 22, 2007
PROGRESS: *ensues*
CAM: I worked on my latest D/S for about two hours last night, and if my calculations are correct, I am 1/4 done with it. I'm still not going to tell you what it is yet. You'll just have to work on that last clue I gave you.
CAM'S READERS: How can you expect us to care when you barely make any updates to this page?
CAM: Well, I was hoping that my loyal readers would take interest.
CAM'S READERS: We're tired of seeing all this Harry Potter stuff.
CAM: Probably not a good thing that I still have some Harry Potter icons to put up.
CAM'S READERS: *big sigh*
CAM: Look, just wait patiently and you'll get to read the new D/S in no time.
CAM'S READERS: Suuuuure. At this rate, you'll post a new one once a year... if we're lucky.
CAM: Alright, you know what! I don't need to argue with you about this.
CAM'S READERS: We're not the ones arguing with you, mate. You're just arguing with yourself.
CAM: I... what!?
CAM'S READERS: ...
CAM: *looks around*
CAM'S READERS: ...
CAM: Hello?
CAM'S READERS: ...
CAM: I'm scared.
CAM'S READERS: How can you expect us to care when you barely make any updates to this page?
CAM: Well, I was hoping that my loyal readers would take interest.
CAM'S READERS: We're tired of seeing all this Harry Potter stuff.
CAM: Probably not a good thing that I still have some Harry Potter icons to put up.
CAM'S READERS: *big sigh*
CAM: Look, just wait patiently and you'll get to read the new D/S in no time.
CAM'S READERS: Suuuuure. At this rate, you'll post a new one once a year... if we're lucky.
CAM: Alright, you know what! I don't need to argue with you about this.
CAM'S READERS: We're not the ones arguing with you, mate. You're just arguing with yourself.
CAM: I... what!?
CAM'S READERS: ...
CAM: *looks around*
CAM'S READERS: ...
CAM: Hello?
CAM'S READERS: ...
CAM: I'm scared.
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