Yellow Car

CAM: I've recently started reading Kelly Oxford's blog and she can be quite funny at times. She writes in dialogue/script on occasion. Mostly involving her hilarious kids. This past Friday, she shared this little gem, so I thought I'd post it here. All credit to her, I didn't write any of it; I just copy/pasta'd.

KELLY: Ok. You guys, the yellow car that we are going to pass in 3 blocks does not count anymore. It's always parked there and you've called it too many times.

HENRY: *age 8* What?!

KELLY: You've called it too much, you both know it's there. I don't want a screaming match for a 'point' over that car.... I'm hereby determining it NULL. No points for the yellow car coming up.

SAL: *age 10* YELLOW CAR!!

HENRY: Where?

KELLY: SAL I TOLD YOU THIS ONE DOESN'T COUNT!!!

HENRY: YELLOW CAR!!!

KELLY: Henry, Sal just called it and I told you that you can't call that car! It's NULL!

HENRY: She couldn't even call it back there! She couldn't see it!

SAL: Yes I could!

KELLY: Yeah, she could totally see it and this is EXACTLY why I determined the car to be NULL.

HENRY AND SAL: I GET THE POINT!!!

KELLY: *stops the car* Both of you get out and walk home. You both are BACK TO ZERO POINTS IN YOUR YELLOW CAR GAME! Get out, walk.

SAL: Ok.

HENRY AND SAL: *start getting out of the car*

KELLY: GET BACK IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW!!!! *starts driving* If you guys got abducted what would I tell the police?? "Oh, yeah Officer, I kicked them out of the car because of the Yellow Car Game. You know, it was annoying." NO WAY! I am not gonna become the bad guy here, not now, not on my watch!!!!

SAL: You're insane.

HENRY: YELLOW CAR!

SAL: ARRRRGH!!

Off to Grandma's!

CAM: Juliana, are you ready to go see Gigi?

JULIANA: That does not sound like a great idea.

Fake Apple Store

CAM: After reading the story about the fake Apple stores in China, my co-worker joked about buying a support contract through them. So I came up with this.

ANDREW: *calls Fake Apple Store*

EMPLOYEE: Herrow, Panda Express. Take order prease!

ANDREW: Hi, is this the Apple Store?

EMPLOYEE: Oh, one moment. *pause* Herrow, Apple Store, take order prease.

ANDREW: Um... hi, we’re looking to renew our support contract with you guys.

EMPLOYEE: Uh huh...

ANDREW: Because our Mac Pros... you know, what was with the Panda Express thing?

EMPLOYEE: No, this no Panda Express. This Apple Store. Take order PREASE!

ANDREW: This doesn’t seem legit.

EMPLOYEE: TAKE ORDER PREASE! PREASE!

ANDREW: I just want to renew our support contract.

EMPLOYEE: You want two item or three item... ack, no, I mean. Apple Support, yes. We have lots of that one.

ANDREW: Oh, great. Okay, we have 14 Macs that we’ll need contracts for.

EMPLOYEE: Uh huh...

ANDREW: Three running ProTools, and the rest have Final Cut Pro.

EMPLOYEE: Okay. You want fried rice or chow mein... ack, no! Finar Cut!

ANDREW: Forget it. I'm going to call the Apple Store in Mongolia.

EMPLOYEE: Wait, wait... you forget fortune cookie!

ANDREW: Yeah, I’m hanging up now. *hangs up*

EMPLOYEE: Gosh darn Mongolians, always making me roose my business!

CAM: Obviously I was inspired by South Park... a little.