Monday, February 20, 2006

Six Degrees of Tom Cruise

CAM: I guess Tom Cruise told his friends about my site, so now I am getting more e-mails complimenting me.

KATIE HOLMES (Actress): Visiting My Life in D/S has helped Tom and I have a baby. A nice alien baby.

PENÉLOPE CRUZ EX-CRUISE SÁNCHEZ (Actress): *eats a carrot*

NICOLE KIDMAN (Actress): I use to be really mad about my life and confused on why Tom left me. My Life in D/S has shown me that I can still act in award-winning movies and date a cowboy who is surprisingly not gay.

LENNY KRAVITZ (Musician): I confess, that I like D/S, it's the very best, just like a bulletproof vest. I surf there all the time, laughing at lines, and making rhymes. Oh, I want to get away, I want to flllllllllyyyyyyyyyy away! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

STEVIE WONDER (Musician): I can't see My Life in D/S, but if I could, I bet I would see miracles!

PRINCE (Formerly Known Artist): My Life in D/S is like purifying yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka?

SALMA HAYEK (Actress): Mi Vida en el D/S es un gran sitio web. He dicho todos yo sé ir allí. Las galletas del queso y la pasta de cacahuete son los mejores alimentos que he probado jamás.

KEVIN SMITH (Director): I wonder what it's like being the person to write D/S. I mean, they must be someone who gets away from the front of their computer. They have to go out sometime. It'd be weird to go out and bump into them by accident. For all we know, they could be living right next door. The guy next door does have a good sense of humor and he does have a house as big as mine. However, my comic book collection is way more impressive than his. Of course, he doesn't have one, so that helps. I'm not quite sure how to explain this, but I think a Star Wars analogy would do it best. Remember when Princess Leia and Han are standing on the bridge in Ewok Town? Well, the way that Carrie... *he kind of keeps talking, but everyone seems to tune out*

SILENT BOB (Movie Character): ...

JAY (Movie Character): Alright ****er, you're starting to reach into ****in' fictional territory here. If anyone named Jay did ****in' send you a compliment, then it most like isn't who you ****in' thinking.

JENNY MCCARTHY (Actress): I like My Life in Double D's.

HOWARD STERN (Radio Host): I surf My Life in D/S while I'm naked with a fresh cup of coffee in my hand. It's the best ****in' site in... what!?!? What the ****!?!? I can't swear on this site!?!? Screw this! I'm going back to satellite radio!

RUSH LIMBAUGH (Radio Host): My Life in D/S is the biggest liberal bull crap that I have ever read! The only good web site is MY site! ...good joke about JFK though.

GEORGE W. BUSH (U.S. President): Does it look like I have time to visit your interrouterwebswtichsite?

OSAMA BIN LADEN (Al Qaeda Founder): You know what I hate? Pop-up ads. Here in [undisclosed location], we have no Ad Aware software. How many times must I be asked how to make my free iPod's penis very rich?

1 comment:

Beth Danae said...

very funny, very funny. IS Penelope a sanchez now? I thought the spanish quote by salma was funny as well as others... thanks for the laughs.